A friend of mine remined me that i even had this conversation and so i'm putting it up so everyone can see this pure ounce of insanity.

Anyway
After we proceeded outside his office to gather our notes and organize, we were lucky, or unlucky, enough to run into a parishioner who was supposedly a long time resident of Katong.This is the following conversation that took place between us and the woman we learned was Alice. It has little to do with the main subject matter, but I thought it would be an enriching experience to read it.

Alice: Hello, are you’re baptized yet?

Samuel: Yes

Zameer: No

Justin: No

Gareth: No

Alice: So what are you’re doing here?

Samuel: We are doing an interview on the history of Katong.

Alice: On the what?

Justin: History

Samuel: So are you a resident of Katong?

Alice: Oh yah! I live here since I was young girl. I young, young that time always come here, my mother always bring me here. My mother ah, I tell you, very bad. My son, daughter, husband all leave me already. One year already, never come back. I don’t know, what happen to them. Don’t know where they go

.Justin: Oh, I’m sorry

Alice: My mother ah, when I small girl always talk bad about me. In front of everyone, always back. 4-5 years old talk bad, 5-10 years also talk bad. Until I 15-16 also keep talking. She talk in church, talk everywhere. Talk until the whole Singapore also know. Then you know ah, young that time, don’t know what to do. No face you know! I not joking! No face!

Zameer: Yah, ma lu ah.

Alice: YA! You understand, ma lu. Yah, yah, ma lu. You understand, I say you good. You understand, you good person.

Zameer: Ok…

Samuel: So were you alive during the Japanese occupation?

Alice: Yah, yah! When I look up, I see the sky

.Gareth: Ok…

Alice: I see the sky got “Peew! Boomphh! Beew!”

Justin: Ahh?…

Samuel: The sky got what?

Alice: No lah, my mother was around when the Japanese come. You ask her.

Justin: Ok

Alice: My mother dead already, but I remember the sky.

Samuel: Ok…I see… so do you know what buildings around Katong were here for very long?

Alice: Oh, yah… that red building? The one down there(she points her finger in the direction of the car park) the red colour one

.Justin: Oh…yah the red one right? Down the street? (points randomly)

Alice: Yah! Oh got also, the traffic light there also very old.

Justin: Oh… that one opposite right? (I was just playing along)

Alice: Yah that one down there…

Zameer: Oh I know…(Samuel is close to laughing out loud right now)

Alice: And got Roxy Square. And OCBC building, you know. Last time it was not there.

Justin: Oh! That OCBC ah!Alice: Yah! Last time it was a hotel you know?

Justin: Wah, really? Ohh, hotel ah…

Gareth: Ok, so what did you do last time?

Samuel: Yes ma’am, what did you work as?

Alice: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME? I NOT MAN!

Zameer: Ma’am, madam

.Alice: Chey… oh I do anything! Wash clothes, clean, cook. Oh yah! You’re got any friends from other countries? They need somewhere to stay right? Ask them come my place lah! I can cook, clean clothes, all free. But horh, when I angry angry I “pechak”(break) the air-con.”

Justin: Never mind lah, fan also ok. (I was trying not to laugh)

Alice: Yah! Good, you good, fan also can. I give you my address.

Samuel (after taking her address he began laughing): Oh, so you stay in KATONG?

Alice: Yah, last time I stay in Marine Parade one. But then my neighbour very bad. So I move. If my neighbour ok I won’t move one. But I move already, then they make the house very nice. Then I want to buy back the government don’t let me buy.

Justin: Oh, I see…

Alice: Yah! Last time I also do car park, at this church one! Very nice, some times I help in the canteen also. Some times I go to the temple got free food….oh but I never go just because free, I buy my food one. Really! Oh last time I work here, very nice. But got this Father Edwards. He very naughty, every time he see me from there, he will chase me out. He whack my leg you know! Until now like that cannot walk properly.

Samuel: Father Edwards what?

Alice: Father Edwards Lim. He very bad, every time I want to go into the church he don’t let me take food. Very naughty. Last time I see him I call him B*****d! Haha!

Samuel: He is my godfather…

Alice: Your godfather! Aiyah! He very naughty you know! Cannot like that. Don’t let me take food and money, then hit my leg!

Justin: Yah, must talk to him lah Samuel, cannot like that.(Zameer was laughing along with Gareth)

Alice: What’s his full name? Father Edwards Lim what?

Samuel: I don’t know…(after some silence in which we wanted to leave, she began talking again)

Alice: I tell your, my son ah, last time he come back. Then he hungry he bang bang my kitchen all the pot and pan.

Justin: You mean his spirit?

Alice: Yah, then I tell my daughter “your brother come back already, he hungry” so I go buy a lot of food put in the kitchen, then next day he don’t bang liao. I tell your ah, if you are sincere to God, you can see all this. You see my eye, (her left eye is faded and creepy), people don’t like me. But I don’t care. Las time, I angry ah, my voice very loud. I work in Kentucky you know?

Justin: You mean KFC?

Alice: Yah! I waitress you know, they think I very good keep sending me to different places, want me to go and study, don’t work anymore. But I cannot, because I only study until primary 4. Then I angry I break the air-con, but fan ok right?

Justin: Yup…Alice: You know ah…my mother very bad, young that time always say me bad. From I born…02/02/05, eh wait! 05/02/02, yah.

Zameer: so you were born in 05/02/02?

Alice: No lah! 02/02/05…(Samuel bursts out laughing and goes to the wall to copy down her numbers)

Alice: Excuse me! Excuse me! I not joking. First time I step into this church was…02/05/02…eh no, 02/02/05.Gareth: Ok…

Alice: I was baptized in 02/05/05…eh 02/05/02…

Justin: 02/05/02?

Alice: Yah, eh no lah! 05/02/02

.Zameer: Ok…(everyone is laughing except me, I manage to keep a straight face throughout the entire ordeal)

Justin: Ok, I think we should leave now…

Alice: Ok, why you’re not in school?

Samuel: School finish already

Alice: You know, my son very smart, study until very long, he very good in science, can become doctor you know, but now I also don’t know what happen to him. One year never come back. Last time I can study also, but my mother don’t want me to study. So I stop.

Zameer: I think a bit late ah, we should leave soon…

Alice: Oh, ok! You know last time, I can service phone, answer the call. Also can sevice air-con you know! Until that Father Edwards break my leg, then cannot

.Justin: Oh, I see…Alice: I last time Buddhist, then 05/02/02 convert to Catholic. What religion are you?

Samuel: Oh I’m Catholic.Alice: What church you attend?

Samuel: Holy Trinity…Alice: Holy…Singapore church ah?

Samuel: No, Holy Trinity…

Alice: Oh, Singapore church…

Samuel: No…it’s aiyah…yah…

Zameer: I’m Muslim.

Gareth: I’m Taoist.

Alice: Oh! Buddhist! Very good! Buddhist very good! But I tell you, all religion the same, you must inside good. What about you? (She points to me)

Justin: Oh I’m a free thinker.

Alice: Cannot! You know ah, last time I go outside Singapore church(She points to Samuel) I see this man. He walk around in circle. That’s why I say, you good, sincere to God, you can see things. He walk around, never stop, then he go away

.Justin: Yah… must have a religion

Alice: Yah! Only ONE!

Justin: Yah(I was quite scared), I think we should go now…

Alice: Ok, you’re give me your names.(Ok, at this point we were all freaked out)

Zameer: Samuel Lee! Go write your name lah!(we laugh and run away as Samuel has to sit beside her, after it takes a few minutes, we decide to see what is happening, Samuel is sitting beside her answering some questions about his godfather.)

Alice: Eh! You all write your names also!(Zameer, Gareth and I all look at each other)

Zameer: Ok

Alice: Ok, remember ah, must tell your friends to come. You got my address? Ok, God bless. Bye bye!

We head off, thoroughly shaken and amused by the encounter. We later see that her address is in Yishun. Through this, we can conclude that she is not a reliable source of information, albeit a very amusing one.

(credits to Justin for scribing the entire thing)

~Z Husref Signing Off~